The loneliness of being disabled
By Hiranya Bhargavi
I Wait
I have frozen.
Mind, body and
Soul.
Nothing new,
No warmth,
No coolness comforting
Like the moon visible
On a beautiful night of full moon
Amidst the green of the earth.
My life is soul — less
A factory like those
Which blackened the Thames
Of Dickens.
I am a Jane Eyre
With no room of my own.
I wait for emotions.
For one
Who helps
Me see
Beyond this darkness.
Someone,
With a magic antidote
For the scars of my soul.
Someone who understands
My heart and soul.
For someone,
Who understands
A lost child,
A not — child,
A never — child.
But nevertheless a child,
Somebody who has a life
But is not allowed to live,
Who just confirms
To what others believe.
Who is at heart a butterfly
But lives as an oyster — illusion.
I wait for someone who
Reads this tangle of a human being.
Heart and soul.
Frozen,
I wait.
That Day I will Smile
I just feel
Feel
Myself ebbing away.
Amid gilded walls
And loneliness
Par excellence.
There is emptiness
Of heart and soul
Difficult to fill
Even with rain and moon.
After all,
I am caged.
Rain and moon for me
Are just some glittering shards
Always out of reach.
I just dream
Of love, contentment and peace;
A soothing caress,
And a world
Where
I will not have to fight
Not have to belong.
Where I will not have to be afraid
Of the darkness
Of my own lonely
Dilapidated cave.
A darkness filled with the shadows
Of society
Compelling me to battle alone,
Always.
I look forward to a day when
Battle will not be needed.
Minds like me would not go numb
And we would embrace
The life at our doorstep
In full.
Childhoods will blossom,
Youths will be hopeful.
Insecurities and scars
Will not have a place.
The world will be a safe space.
A day will come
When people like me
Would at last
Look back at their lives
As a treasure trove of memories
And not a cross — cross of scars.
That day I will smile.
Till then I dream
Endless dreams
Of lives
Sans emptiness.
Hiranya is an alumna of the Lady Shri Ram College for Women and lives in New Delhi. She is a person with disability. She is interested in many things including literature, creative — writing and history. She likes learning new things and having new experiences.
